What is it that most of the youth go for in a relationship today? Are the reasons enough for the sustainability of the relationship? And do they meet their desires once the relationship is started? If not, why? Why is the issue of break-up a day-to-day song for most young people???And is it really a break-up or just an underground relationship that succeeds? Should the break-up couples reconcile and start a new life together?
How will these break-ups affect the young people involved? There are so many questions that most of us nowadays tend to ask ourselves. Some people find solutions to these questions while others keep banging their heads to find convincing others. Unfortunately, they end up confusing themselves and finally committing suicide on seemingly tough issues but simple. This article is here to help all those that find themselves in a relationship and without knowledge, out of the relationship. This is confusing indeed because both members start the relationship impromptu. Both parties; in this case, a boy and a girl have to develop within him/her the state of willingness to be in an affair with someone of the opposite sex.
- What is it that most of the youth go for in a relationship today?
????????????I am a bit lucky because I was once in a relationship with a certain lady. This was my first time to experience this state of having someone of the opposite sex as my partner. I actually had heard from my fellow boys that proposing love to a girl is a difficult task to overcome. This statement left a lot of questions in my mind. I was asking myself questions like; why should men have difficulties to ask out a girl? Is it that the men themselves become shy when they vomit out the words that they want the girl? Or that the ladies rebuff the love proposals from men! If these girls do not accept love proposals from men, should we conclude that they do not want to have a boyfriend or they do not want to look cheap by accepting these men at the first time. There are a lot of answers to these questions. It is very unfortunate that the right answers are within each one of us, they are personal. But this will not stop me from mentioning a few reasons why most of the youth start relationships nowadays.
After looking so closely to the relationships that we have today, I have observed that the issue of bearing a title, that you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend amongst the youth is what is forcing many of the youth to start a relationship. If you are single and your close friends have their partners, you easily fall into the temptation of looking one for yourself in order to sail in the same boat with your friends. But this is very problematic because your relationship will be operating on the basis that you want to maintain the status that you are in a relationship.
The second point that I have observed from those who are in a relationship is that, most of them started the relationship because they were cheated with the external beauty of the other person. It happens among the youth that once you see someone for the first time and your eyes send impulses to your brain that the one you have seen is beautiful and should propose love to her. You do not hesitate but listen to the feedback of your mind. I am saying your mind because this does not come from your heart. If it comes from deep down your heart, you will be able to resist the quick judgment and take your time to go for someone that you have known for an extended period of time. Someone you have known his/her weaknesses and strengths.
?Another group of youths begin an affair with the reason that they just want someone to have sex with. This group fails to control their sexual feelings so they just chose to be in a relationship in order to satisfy their lust. This is a bad reason because once you find out that the one who was giving you his/her sexual satisfaction is not there or the gratification has gone down, you end up creating a lot more sex affairs which can easily lead to the spread of deadly sexually transmitted diseases. The reasons why youths start relationships are many that we cannot scribble all of them here on paper. Some of them are good reasons while others are bad. I will only encourage my fellow youths to start a relationship when they feel that they are mature. I am saying maturity, in the sense that they can reason and handle their relationship with sound love. A relationship should be started when both parties are willing to spend some of their time together without anyone complaining.
- Are the reasons enough for the sustainability of the relationship?
No relationship can be sustained if people involved are not comfortable in the state they are. A relationship that both parties run with the reason that they want people to see that they are not single will never last long. It lasts for a short period of time because there is no love between the two. A relationship where love is present, nobody will be able to say why he /she is in that relationship. They will just say they are in a relationship because they love each other. There are no strings attached to each other. Everyone is free. In this case, title is a string; a reason why you are in that relationship. External beauty is another string. You want to stay in that affair because you see beauty when you look at each other. True beauty should be felt not seen. Once that beauty you see fades away, the ugliness will appear because you are seeing one side of the coin. And when it is turned back-to-front, you will remain with the ugly part. Feel the beauty and the affair will last till death.
- And do they meet their desires once the relationship is started? If not, why?
Many a youths today really start relationships with desires behind them. Once you set a desire for something, you completely forget about all other things and only focus on what you want to archive. This is dangerous because on your way to achieving such desires, you miss a lot of happiness. The whole mind focuses on what you want to have. Luckily enough you archive it. Relationships that start on desires are not worthy-staying long because desires in relationships are easily achieved and once archived the parties involved will part ways and leave each other in frustrations. For instance, a girl /boy may wish to be in a relationship with the desire to have sex with the other partner and leave the relationship afterwards. When he or she gets this, he or she leaves immediately for another girl or boy either for the same desire for sex or money or anything else according their wish. If the desire for something in a relationship is not met, then it is point blank that they will end up the affair as well. These desires may not be materialized because either one of the partners is not willing to accept the desires from his or her partner or both parties have different desires that no matter what it takes, they can never satisfy their partner?s desire.
- Why is the issue of break-up in relationships a day-to-day song to most young people?
I have observed that today?s youths are active participants in this game of relationships. Almost no youth want to sit on the bench and watch his or her friends play. Taking this to the chemistry angle; no youth wants to be a spectator ion. We all want to be reactants. Since this issue of affairs is being run by mostly the youth, we are automatically falling into the ocean of break-ups. Almost every couple wants to be the best. We tend to compare our couples with others. We forget that there are two or more separate couples that stand on different pillars. Pillars not in the sense of desires, but pillars in the sense of how willing we are to make our respective couples firm. Additionally, we, the youth are vulnerable to break-ups because we tend to enter into a relationship without thorough preparation. We are deceived by our mode of looking. We think reaching an adolescent stage is a certificate to starting an affair. We easily forget that it is just the transition of stages in a life span of man (being). We enter the relationship while young; not knowing how best to handle such relationships. Unless we start relationships while mature, we will continue to part ways in our affair and resolve to break-ups.
- Is it really a break-up or just an underground relationship that succeeds?
According to Cambridge Advanced Learners dictionary, the word ?break-up? means?the coming to????an end of a business or personal relationship, due to separation of those involved. The word break-up is different from the word break. Break simply means ?stopping for a short period of time.? It is very unfortunate today that most of the youth tend to confuse these two. When two people have disagreements and have failed to find solutions to the problem, they separate. It is very pity nowadays that when the relationship is over, those involved tend to come back after sometime and continue from where they stopped. I feel this is complete madness. I am saying this because, mostly, those separated take different routes where when one feels lonely, he or she might involve themselves in the act of sex. Seriously speaking, the world has changed. We, the youths may take the STIs during this period and putting the other partner?s life in danger. If you are a youth and know that you cannot run a successful relationship, you better wait for the right time to come. The world is not ending today or tomorrow. We still have a chance for the sound relationship.
- Should the break-up couples reconcile and start a new life together as boyfriend and girlfriend?
While many have difficulties to come to terms with single life after break-up, a small number of youths easily understands what break-up is. In my observance on this particular issue, many a youths do not take a long time to reconcile. If it is weakness, then most youths are frail; weak in mind and body. Looking closely at what mostly leads to break-ups, you will realize that most couples end their relationship because they fail to satisfy each other?s wish. Almost every youth today starts a relationship with the reason to satisfy his or her sexual feelings that come due to adolescent stage. We want to go with nature. The fact is that we cannot suppress nature. For example, when we feel thirsty, we go take a cup of water to quench the thirst. This also applies to the game of sex. Unfortunately, this game cannot be played all times otherwise we will be like animals that whenever they have lust for sex, they move into action provided their mate is present. Human beings are more intelligent than animals. We reason. So, if the break-up comes about because of lack of effective communication between the couples, there is no barrier for them to reconcile provided they have improved their mode of communication during their period of separateness.
On the other side, if the couple separates because one of them is a womanizer for a man, or the girl is a prostitute, then there is no need to come back together as a couple because both of you will not be able to believe each other no matter how he or she puts an emphasis to every truth, lack of trust will continue to develop in each one of you and eventually, true love disappears.
- How will the break-up affect those youths involved?
In this case, the fact still remains. One partner is affected more than the other. If the relationship were based on material or financial grounds, then the one who was benefiting from the relationship will be greatly affected. Additionally, the break-up will affect both parties psychologically in the sense that the fact that you are now separate will create a state of boredom within each person. Your mind starts bringing sweet memories that you had when you were together. This creates an atmosphere where you do not see any chance of having another partner who will love you as the other partner had done. The only thing that we, the youths forget is that we are still young. We are still growing. Nobody can reduce the whole world to one small community as stated by Khumbo Kamanga; one of my school mates.
?We, the youth forget that there are some young boys and girls that we have not met yet and some will not even meet them. All what has to be done here is to develop a state of understanding why the relationship is over. Accept every point that comes into your mind. Do not judge it, don?t even try to do so because once you start judging, you will be bias. You may favor yourself to look innocent or your ex to gain favors for reconciliation. At the end you will find out that the same pothole that you fell in is still there waiting for your second falling.
The best solution when the break-up takes its course is to listen to your heart. The heart is friendly unlike your mind. I am saying this because the mind rushes into conclusion. So you may end up killing yourself for the simple issue that your heart can easily solve.
Hearing from one of the top Malawian politicians; Professor Peter Muthalika that a problem shared is ably solved. I believe that can be the second option when your heart fails to find the solution.
We are the leaders of tomorrow. Let us help each other to build a better community, a wonderful nation and as well as a world of happiness.
Source: http://www.malawivoice.com/2012/11/06/relationships-amongst-the-youth-94323/
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